dear abbreviation-happy chat guy,
i kno u think ur teh shit bc u r 1337 & u pwn @ wow & crysis, but u l00k like a tard wen u type, lolz.
idk where u learn ur eng skillz but i h8 2 read wat u type bc it l00ks like its a) md5‘d or b) written by a 5yo w/ downs rofl.
also, b4 i 4get, i rly h8 2 b the 1 2 tell u this, but “ur gay” is not as gr8 a comeback as u think. +, i think ur making that smiley up
i no ur 28, but i think ur momz wants u upstairs now O.o i hope u will b afk while u eat ur rice crispy tr33ts.
Jeeeest testing out ScribeFire.
The new Firefox r0x, by the way. Continue reading ‘Getting testy’
My house is absolutely crawling with mysterious creatures. As I lay in bed at night, I hear them scratching at the door. They’re nocturnal, and I’m fairly sure they’re mammalian. While these creatures have not, as yet, posed imminent threat to my life, they have ravished my apartment; I find evidence of their violence in the form of shredded clothing, torn upholstery, and the general strewing about of my belongings.
No, I’m not crazy; I have cats. But then again, is there a difference?
Continue reading ‘Infestation’
Dear New York Gypsy Cab* Driver,
Who the hell are you talking to on the phone? You’ve been chattering nonstop for the last half-hour. I don’t think I’ve even seen you breathe, much less allow the person supposedly on the other end of the line to speak.
Who is your carrier, and what crazy rate plan are you on? I know you’re not swimming in cash or you wouldn’t be driving a Towncar that looks like it ended its career as an extra on a Dukes of Hazzard episode. Continue reading ‘Taxi!’
Dear Pretentious Grad Student,
Hi! I’m the guy who sits behind you in class. You know that odd crunching noise you hear every time you speak? Yeah, that’s me griding my teeth. Continue reading ‘Sit Down and Shut Up.’
Polished wooden planks
Cool against my burning cheek
One beer too many
Remember when you used to be famous for singing?
1996 called. They want their site design back.
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